Find, Remind, and Bind: The Functions of Gratitude in Everyday Relationships

Though interest in the emotion of gratitude has historically focused on its role in social exchange, new evidence suggests a different and more important role for gratitude in social life. The findremind-and-bind theory of gratitude posits that the positive emotion of gratitude serves the evolutionary function of strengthening a relationship with a responsive interaction partner (Algoe, Haidt, & Gable, 2008). The current article identifies prior, economic models of gratitude, elaborates on unique features of the find-remind-and-bind theory, reviews the accumulating evidence for gratitude in social life in light of this novel perspective, and discusses how the find-remind-and-bind theory is relevant to methodology and hypothesis testing. In sum, within the context of reciprocally-altruistic relationships, gratitude signals communal relationship norms and may be an evolved mechanism to fuel upward spirals of mutually responsive behaviors between recipient and benefactor. In this way, gratitude is important for forming and maintaining the most important relationships of our lives, those with the people we interact with every day. For decades, social and behavioral scientists have been fascinated by questions of why and when one organism will expend resources to help another, even with no immediately apparent benefit to the self. In his sweeping and now classic theory of reciprocal altruism in humans, the sociobiologist Robert Trivers (1971) proposed a solution that gave center stage to an elaborate system of psychological processes. One particular process was the emotion of gratitude, about which he had this to say: If the cost ⁄benefit ratio is an important parameter in determining the adaptiveness of reciprocal altruism, then humans should be selected to be sensitive to the cost and benefit of an altruistic act, both in deciding whether to perform one and in deciding whether, or how much, to reciprocate. I suggest that the emotion of gratitude has been selected to regulate human response to altruistic acts and that the emotion is sensitive to the cost ⁄benefit ratio of such acts (p. 49; 1971). This was a perfectly sufficient treatment of gratitude for his purposes, and rested on evidence available at the time. In fact, the empirical literature from psychology regarding gratitude’s role in social life has been largely guided by the economic variables Trivers highlighted in these sentences, including the focus on cost, value, and repayment behavior (see reviews in McCullough, Kilpatrick, Emmons, & Larson, 2001; McCullough, Kimeldorf, & Cohen, 2008). These themes continue to shape hypotheses tested as well as methodologies employed. Yet theories within affective and relationships science have come a long way since 1971, and highlight the rich complexity in emotional experience and interpersonal interactions that should be associated with the momentary experience of gratitude. These literatures suggest a different and more important role for gratitude in social life beyond merely facilitating interpersonal accounting. Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6 (2012): 455–469, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x a 2012 Blackwell Publishing Ltd I have been advocating a fresh way to look at the social functions of the emotion of gratitude, which I term the ‘‘find, remind, and bind’’ theory of gratitude (p. 429; Algoe et al., 2008). The shift in perspective came when my collaborators and I identified a key overlooked aspect of situations that trigger gratitude: Specifically, when the emotion of gratitude is experienced in response to a benefit, it is, in part, because the recipient has noticed a particularly responsive action on the part of a benefactor (e.g., Algoe et al., 2008). From within a sea of social contacts, a responsive gesture stands out from the rest: it signals that the person understands, approves, or cares about the self (Reis, Clark, & Holmes, 2004). This new insight about the situations that trigger gratitude leads to novel predictions across all aspects of the emotional experience, including: situational appraisals that trigger gratitude; short-term changes in cognition, motivations, and behaviors (e.g., about the benefactor and relationship); expression of gratitude and its consequences; changes in the quality of the dyadic relationship as perceived by the recipient or the benefactor; implications for group-level functioning; and potential reflection of cultural norms. All aspects can be viewed as working in concert to serve these broad functions: In the moments it is experienced, gratitude updates our view of the benefactor – specifically, finding new or reminding of current high-quality relationship partners –, and helps to bind the people in the relationship more closely together. As reviewed below, the find-remind-and-bind theory pushes beyond prior accounts to significantly enrich understanding of how the emotion of gratitude functions in social life. For example, it calls into question assumptions that gratitude is most useful for establishing new reciprocal relationships between strangers or acquaintances (e.g., McCullough et al., 2008) and instead suggests that, when experienced, gratitude has the same purpose in any type of relationship, no matter how well established. Moreover, the find-remindand-bind theory posits that rather than primarily helping us understand how we might come to trust a stranger, gratitude is probably best understood as a mechanism for forming and sustaining the most important relationships of our lives, those with the people we care about and count on from one day to the next. Because the lens of the find-remindand-bind theory encompasses the benefactor-recipient dyad as a unit, it prompts hypotheses about the psychology and behavior of each member of the pair. The most recent tests of the theory, described below, show how and why expressed gratitude can play a central role in drawing a benefactor closer in to the relationship, while simultaneously highlighting the explanatory power of this novel approach. In the current article, I elaborate on the find-remind-and-bind theory, incorporate the latest evidence, and discuss the next questions it prompts. A Functional Approach to Emotions Other people comprise a key structural element of our everyday lives, with typical days involving numerous social interactions. Our brains and bodies are wired for navigating these social interactions. Specifically, humans’ mental architecture has evolved over millennia within the context of living in close-knit social groups: our most efficient wiring is tailored for navigation of social interactions within the meaningful and ongoing relationships of our everyday lives (e.g., Tooby & Cosmides, 1990). Emotions – different types like anger, embarrassment, gratitude, and pride – have evolved within this context as a critical mechanism for social navigation (Keltner & Haidt, 1999). Any given emotion type functions in two fundamental ways: to draw attention to a notable situation and to coordinate a response to that situation. Each type of emotion – whether negative ⁄unpleasant or positive ⁄pleasant – has been shaped by selection processes 456 Gratitude in Relationships a 2012 Blackwell Publishing Ltd Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6 (2012): 455–469, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x to draw attention to a specific type of recurring and important situation. In general, negative emotions are thought to draw attention to threats or problems in the environment, whereas positive emotions draw attention to opportunities (Algoe & Fredrickson, 2011; Fredrickson, 1998, 2001). For example, embarrassment draws attention to one’s own social gaffe (Keltner & Buswell, 1997), whereas admiration draws attention to someone’s display of a socially valued skill (Algoe & Haidt, 2009). The emotional response, in turn, engages mind, body, and behavior in a coordinated way. Like fuel for an engine, the emotion facilitates resolution to the problem, in the case of a negative emotion, or takes advantage of the opportunity that has arisen, in the case of a positive emotion. For example, embarrassment helps to restore one’s social standing (Keltner & Buswell, 1997), whereas admiration has been proposed to facilitate skill acquisition from exemplary models (Algoe & Haidt, 2009). These types of responses have, on average, proven to be advantageous to the person, thereby preserving their integrity into present-day psychological processes. This is the lens through which I have approached questions about the evolved functions of the emotion of gratitude, and which has led to the find-remind-and-bind theory (Algoe et al., 2008). At its core, the find-remind-and-bind theory posits that gratitude has evolved to take advantage of a different situational opportunity than considered by earlier accounts (e.g., Bartlett & DeSteno, 2006; McCullough et al., 2001, 2008). In short, for the emotion of gratitude, the notable situation is the identification of a high-quality relationship partner, and the coordinated response serves to improve the relationship: that is, it finds new or reminds of a known good relationship partner, and helps to bind recipient and benefactor closer together. The starting point makes all the difference, because the environmental opportunity (i.e., to what one’s attention is drawn in the situation) is what dictates how the emotion coordinates a response. In support of this idea, Lerner and colleagues have demonstrated that situational appraisals associated with different types of negative emotions have implications for different types of future cognitions and behaviors (see Lerner & Keltner, 2000; Lerner & Tiedens, 2006). Likewise, recent research comparing specific positive emotions to one another has demonstrated that situational appraisals forecast distinct outcomes here too (e.g., Algoe & Haidt, 2009). By identifying the key situational appraisal that gives rise to gratitude, the find-remind-and-bind theory significantly shifts and enriches scholarly understanding of how gratitude plays out in the social interactions and relationships of everyday life. The Find, Remind, and Bind Theory of Gratitude: On Seizing Opportunities for Connection with Responsive Others Below, I review evidence regarding multiple aspects of the emotion of gratitude’s experience and consequences, viewed through the lens of the find-remind-and-bind theory. I spend relatively more time on the situational appraisals that trigger gratitude, because this is where the distinctions between theories can appear to be superficial if glossed. Yet, as I argue, the situational appraisals set the stage for differential predictions as the emotion plays out, even into social interactions and consequences for the group. Situational appraisals: Identifying opportunity within the current social environment Emotions scholars have long agreed that gratitude arises when another person provides a benefit to the self. However, humans are an interdependent species, continuously exchanging favor for favor with those around them: receipt of any given objective Gratitude in Relationships 457 a 2012 Blackwell Publishing Ltd Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6 (2012): 455–469, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x ‘‘benefit’’ does not necessarily cause feelings of gratitude. That is a point on which gratitude researchers agree, and several studies have identified situational features that increase the intensity of grateful feelings (Algoe & Stanton, 2012; Algoe et al., 2008; Converse & Fishbach, forthcoming; Tesser, Gatewood, & Driver, 1968; Tsang, 2006a; Tsang, 2007; Weinstein, DeHaan, & Ryan, 2010; Wood, Brown, & Maltby, 2011), or that differentiate gratitude from indebtedness (Mathews & Green, 2010; Tsang, 2006a; Watkins, Scheer, Ovnicke, & Kolts, 2006). Though prior well-cited accounts of gratitude acknowledge this nuance in aspects of the benefit-provision situation that triggers gratitude, it is fair to characterize them as emphasizing a recipient’s own personal benefit as the defining feature of gratitude-inducing situations (e.g., the ‘‘benefit-detector’’ function of gratitude, McCullough et al., 2008). This focus on the benefit (or, positive outcome for the self) leads to predictions that gratitude functions to facilitate social exchange, through repayment or reciprocation of the benefit (Bartlett & DeSteno, 2006; see McCullough et al., 2001, 2008). These earlier accounts of gratitude were economic in nature and, in line with Trivers (1971), rest on the consideration of resource distribution. To the extent that the argument was extended to illuminate how gratitude might be related to relationship formation, it was thought to do so by establishing, through repeated interactions, that the grateful person was trustworthy (i.e., because he or she had repaid a provided benefit; see theorizing in Bartlett & DeSteno, 2006; McCullough et al., 2001, 2008). I take no issue with the hypothesis that repaying a favor demonstrates trustworthiness. But I do think the economic account neglects to consider critical aspects of the situation that significantly alter complete understanding of how gratitude functions in social life, and under-sells the power of this emotion in relationship formation and maintenance. The find-remind-and-bind theory, in contrast, is a relational account. It acknowledges that with humans’ interdependence comes a need to evaluate and know how we relate to our interaction partners. In fact, others’ actions toward the self reveal information about the relationship with that person (e.g., Clark & Mills, 1979). For situations that cause gratitude, this means more than determining whether a benefit was provided intentionally or unintentionally (Tesser et al., 1968) or whether the benefactor is a moral agent (see McCullough et al., 2001 review). As a starting point, the find-remind-and-bind theory emphasizes a different aspect of the situation that causes gratitude than prior, economic accounts: a unique appraisal that is relational. Specifically, knowing that tit-for-tat, exchange-based relationships are relatively easy to come by and a mainstay of our social economy, my collaborators and I proposed that gratitude draws attention to a rarer and potentially more important social opportunity: the opportunity to solidify a connection with someone who would be a high-quality dyadic relationship partner, that is, someone who will be there through thick and thin, both providing support and enriching one’s life. Therefore, independent of whether the benefit recipient values a benefit provided by another person, we hypothesized that an additional strong predictor of gratitude would be whether the benefactor was perceived to be responsive to the recipient’s needs and preferences when providing it (Algoe et al., 2008). The theory centers on responsiveness for a reason: in contrast to economic considerations of cost, value, repayment, and stranger relationships that characterized the earlier empirical literature, perceived responsiveness sends the message that the responsive person understands, approves, or cares about the self; it is a central construct underlying relational intimacy and is predominantly apparent in close relationships, especially those that are communal in nature (Reis et al., 2004). 458 Gratitude in Relationships a 2012 Blackwell Publishing Ltd Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6 (2012): 455–469, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x My collaborators and I first tested the importance of relational appraisals in a study that capitalized on a tradition in which each new member of a sorority was showered with benefits by a specific (anonymous) benefactor for a week (Algoe et al., 2008). The new members provided reports after each benefit received. As predicted, recipient appraisal of benefactor responsiveness in providing the particular benefit was positively associated with feelings of gratitude for the benefit, above and beyond several factors, including how much the benefit was valued (i.e., liked), the real or perceived cost to the benefactor in providing the benefit, and how surprising it was; in short, gratitude arose in situations that were simultaneously relevant to the self (i.e., liking of benefit) and to one’s relationship with the benefactor (i.e., thoughtfulness of the benefactor toward the self; Algoe et al., 2008). Key to understanding the value added by this evidence, and the find-remind-and-bind theory more generally, communal relationship orientations are principally characterized by the provision of benefits based on another person’s need, not on expectation of repayment. In contrast, exchange relationship orientations are those in which careful accounting of costs, value, and repayment are made, and are often experienced between relative strangers (see review of communal and exchange relationships in Clark & Mills, 2011). In fact, a classic experiment demonstrated that being in a communal versus exchange relationship influenced how much a person was liked after repaying a favor, with repayment of a benefit (the key motivation endorsed by the economic model) being a relationship liability when the original benefactor thought the relationship was communal (Clark & Mills, 1979; Study 1). My collaborators and I have argued elsewhere that attention to perceived responsiveness and therefore communal relationship norms may sound like a subtle distinction from attention to repayment and exchange-based relationships, but it nonetheless has important implications for understanding and theorizing about how gratitude functions in social life (Algoe, Gable, & Maisel, 2010). A responsively-provided benefit marks a prime opportunity: put selfishly, the responsive benefactor appears to be both motivated to be in one’s corner, and well-suited to be there, making for a very attractive relationship partner. This is qualitatively different than a focus on paying back an imbalance of debt. Moreover, Clark and Mills argue that, though of course exchange-based relationships are necessary for our economy, communal relationships are the most important types of relationships, in part because ‘‘they can provide a sense of security and fulfillment not furnished by exchange relationships’’ (1993; p. 690). In support of the importance of communal relationships and the potential adaptive value of gratitude, a robust empirical literature demonstrates that close, supportive relationships are the ones that show prospective associations with long-term mental and physical health as well as longevity (e.g., Berkman & Syme, 1979; Berscheid & Reis, 1998; Holt-Lunstad & Smith, 2012; Uchino, Cacioppo, & Keicolt-Glaser, 1996). Notably, any relationship can increase in strength of communal norms: though communal relationship norms tend to be stronger in more interdependent relationships (e.g., romantic partners and family members; Mills, Clark, Ford, & Johnson, 2004), experimental work using a simple manipulation demonstrates that communal relationship norms can be established between strangers in a one-time lab interaction as well (e.g., Clark & Mills, 1979). This means that, as long as the benefit is appropriately calibrated to the current state of the relationship, responsiveness can be conveyed, gratitude can be experienced, and the emotion may act as fuel to bring the recipient and benefactor psychologically closer than they had been previously. In short, in the moments it is experienced, gratitude can help people find previously unnoticed good relationship partners or remind them of those who are currently in their lives. Gratitude in Relationships 459 a 2012 Blackwell Publishing Ltd Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6 (2012): 455–469, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x In addition to the new relationships described above (finding; e.g., Algoe et al., 2008), we have found evidence for gratitude’s utility even in day-to-day fluctuations within highly-satisfied cohabiting couples (reminding; Algoe et al., 2010), which I describe in greater detail below. The find-remind-and-bind theory therefore expands our understanding of gratitude and clarifies that, more than just a mechanism for repayment of strangers, gratitude signals any responsive conspecific and promotes interpersonal bonds with that person (e.g., Algoe et al., 2010). This happens right from the start: people feel gratitude when they welcome the relational implications that come with a responsive benefit (Algoe & Stanton, 2012). Next, I review evidence for how this begins to unfold. Short-term cognitive shifts: Improved perspective on benefactor and relationship In the moments that an emotion is experienced, one’s cognitions about the world and social partner shift in such a way as to facilitate the potential for adaptively relevant future behaviors. When we randomly assigned people to recall situations in which they may have experienced gratitude or situations that may have induced joy (limited to people who explicitly indicated that someone else had caused their joy), we found that people in the gratitude condition were more likely than those in the joy condition to spontaneously report noticing new positive qualities in their benefactors and were more willing to associate with the benefactor in the future (Algoe & Haidt, 2009; Study 1). In another paper, within-person experience-sampling reports from across a variety of benefits revealed that greater gratitude for any individual benefit was associated with perceived higher quality relationship with a benefactor at the time (e.g., liking, closeness), independent of the degree to which the recipient liked the benefit itself (Algoe et al., 2008). Two additional studies use responses to hypothetical scenarios; these studies use a wide range of measures, including perceived closeness (Weinstein et al., 2010) and ‘‘thinking positive thoughts or happy memories about my friend’’ (Watkins et al., 2006), which provide additional support for hypothesized links between experienced gratitude and improvements in the grateful recipient’s perspective on the benefactor as well as relationship. Such shifts in the mind of the grateful individual set the stage for the downstream impact of the emotional response. Short-term motivational and behavioral changes: Focus on relationship promotion On the whole, emotions motivate (cf. Baumeister, Vohs, DeWall, & Zhang, 2007). If it is true that gratitude promotes interpersonal bonds, grateful recipients could use a variety of behaviors beyond repayment to do so. Indeed, grateful people report intrinsic motivations toward a range of behaviors that would promote the relationship, including simply spending more time with the person (e.g., Algoe & Haidt, 2009; Study 1; Watkins et al., 2006). Importantly, beyond feeling closer, gratitude should trigger communal relationship norms, so if a grateful recipient does provide a benefit back to the benefactor, he or she should be responsive to the benefactor’s needs. Table 1 summarizes evidence for benefactor-focused motives and behavior after experienced gratitude. This is where the bulk of recent empirical work has focused and Table 1 illustrates previously-used experimental manipulations as well as the heavy emphasis on economic variables (e.g., resources expended on or distributed to the benefactor). The methods of earlier studies that measured prosocial behavior do not allow disentanglement of exchange versus communal motives (e.g., to elicit a grateful recipient’s prosocial behavior, his or her previous benefactor asked for help, thereby directly expressing a need). 460 Gratitude in Relationships a 2012 Blackwell Publishing Ltd Social and Personality Psychology Compass 6/6 (2012): 455–469, 10.1111/j.1751-9004.2012.00439.x T a b le 1 Ex p er ie n ce o f g ra ti tu d e an d b en ef ac to rd ir ec te d m o ti ve s an d b eh av io rs S tu d y In d u ct io n m e th o d C o m p a ri so n co n d it io n D e p e n d e n t m e a su re A lg o e & H ai d t, 2 0 0 9 ; St u d y 1 R ec al le d n ar ra ti ve Jo y (in te rp er so n al ly -c au se d ) En h an ce o th er ’s re p u ta ti o n M o ti va ti o n to ac kn o w le d g e (e .g ., th an k o r h u g ) M o ti va ti o n to ‘‘ re p ay ’’ (e xp lic it